Mourning
by MissKirei
Summary: It was so wrong, but I didn't care. I wanted to break him. I wanted to take away the one thing he cherished the most. I wanted him to spend his entire life without the one thing I knew he couldn't live without.


**||~ MOURNING ~||**

_This story has mature themes and suggestions of murder and psychopathic tendencies. Please don't go ahead if you are easily triggered._

**||MISS KIREI||**

I felt your embrace in the dark of the night, you cupped my cheek as you smiled and told me that you loved me. I believed that and I said I loved you more. You didn't argue like you usually would—telling me you loved me more. I know you didn't argue this time because you knew I was right. But… I must confess, I can't seem to get over you. Not even after all these years, Misaki. I know I promised you that I would stop writing you these letters in the middle of the night, but I can't bring myself to stop. Knowing that this is the only way I can talk to you, knowing that this might be my only chance to tell you that I still love you. I know you cannot take me back and I did some unspeakable things to you, but I just cannot understand why I can't get over it. For the millionth time, I am sorry. If I could take back everything I did to you, I would. If I could, I would—trust me. Fuck, I'm sorry… I know you can't trust me anymore. I shouldn't ask you to either. I don't deserve your forgiveness.

I know my wife knows that I am writing this letter in the study room. She's alone in our bedroom again and she's pretending to be asleep. I can hear the soft sobbing that's her. I know I've hurt you and now I'm hurting her, but I cannot do anything about it. I just don't know how to.

But you promised… you promised that you would come back, meet me in the middle, and see me.

Only if you did, things would have been so much easier for both of us.

Why didn't you?

Why did you break our promise?

I still remember the look on your face when I drove a knife through your heart. You cried as if your pain was more than mine. It wasn't! My pain was much worse! I cried for you! I made myself a better man for you. I did everything that you wanted me to! I tried to be perfect for you! I tried… I tried to make myself the man you could love.

But you… you betrayed me, Misaki!

I did everything I could, only for you to find yourself a new man. I thought you would wait for me, but you didn't. I thought what we had was special, but I was wrong. I was so wrong. I loved you with everything I had.

But you didn't.

You loved Takumi.

Takumi, who was better than me, in every aspect! He had the money, the looks, the fame, the body; and more than that, he had you. You were the only thing I wanted, and he had it.

I could keep you happy, you know that, but you still chose him over me!

I hated Takumi as much as I loved you, Misaki.

I couldn't stand to see him happy with you, and when I found out that you were willing to move to England for him, it drove me crazy. I couldn't just watch the love of my life be snatched by someone else. To be fair, I don't understand why you chose Takumi. There was nothing good about that rich snob. He was so full of himself and I don't know how you couldn't see that!

It drove me insane.

I couldn't just sit back and watch.

Hell, I take what I said before—I hated Takumi more than I loved you.

I hated him so much that I forgot everything else. I forgot that Suzuna loved me, I forgot that I was already married, I forgot that I couldn't help my feelings for you even after I got married.

It was so wrong, but I didn't care. I wanted to break him. I wanted to take away the one thing he cherished the most. I wanted him to spend his entire life without the one thing I knew he couldn't live without.

You.

That's why I came to see you that night. I didn't lie about wanting to meet you one last time before you left. I wanted to see you one last time, before I snatched Takumi's most precious possession away from his hand. My plan was perfect and there were no flaws, he wouldn't be able to take you away from me this time.

I was so happy that night. I'm sorry, Misaki, but I must admit when I drove that knife through your heart, I kept imagining Takumi's face when he would find you dead. Nothing else could have made me happier than seeing your blood on my hands. I'm sorry, but it was the best moment of my life.

I could finally kiss you for as long as I wanted to.

And I did.

And I am not ashamed of it.

Why should I be ashamed of loving you? Takumi should have felt ashamed of coming in between you and me! I loved you since we were kids and I knew you loved me too! That bastard…That bastard never cared for anyone else's feelings except for his own! I could not stand the thought of him being anywhere near you… And you, you were so stupid, Misaki! You were about to go and spend the rest of your life with that narcissistic asshole! I couldn't just stand back and watch!

So I did what I had to do.

You've been dead for five years now, and nobody found out till now. Ha ha! My plan was perfect, and I left without a trace. I kissed you goodbye, and nothing made me happier than knowing that I had taken his most precious possession away.

Nothing.

It was the happiest moment of my life, till date.

I had not realised what I had done, but when I saw you lying peacefully in a beautiful dress, I did.

I cried to see you go, and I'm still mourning over your death. I saw Takumi standing next to the casket, wearing an expensive suit. He didn't look at anyone that day, not even his in-laws, not even his own family. That bastard did not even have a tear to shed over you! He kept silent as people came and visited you for the last time. That moment, I decided that what I did was right. He didn't love you! He didn't even deserve you!

I'm still not sorry to Takumi. I still think what I did was right. You deserved better, Misa! But, no one will know what truly happened, and life will go on… Takumi will spend every day of his life thinking about his dead fiancé. And I will never stop loving you.

Just like every year, I am going to put this letter and your favourite flowers on your grave. I miss you a lot, Misaki, and I'm soon going to join you wherever you are. I will never stop mourning over you, Misaki. Even if I was the one who killed you.

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